The title will be explained later.
Im going to tell you all about the most wonderful person in the world.
My Nana.
She was an artist, a business woman, a wife, a daughter, a grandmother, a mother, a farmer, a saint in my eyes.
Nana took care of Tabby and I when we were really little. She was always there for us. When Bridget used to hurt us, I often cried myself to sleep at night, saying over and over again, I want to see my Nana, I want to see my Nana.....
April 23rd, 2003
That night, Tabby and I were out makeing beads. Well, I was, Tabby was watching. Nana was a lampworker. She made things like, that^.
Those were not her best, no not at all. She had some beautiful work. That was a christmas special. She was teaching me how to do it. I loved it. Going out, melting glass on a big tourch, makeing wonderful creations with fire. Heh heh.
I turned off the kiln, went out, milked the goats, and went in. Nana asked me if I had turned the kiln off, she had a show to go to, and the beads needed to be cool by morning. I told her I had. We watched TV and stuff. I remember that she made herself some popcorn, she was so happy. She had given up all starches for lent. Easter had been 3 days earlyer, on April 20th. that year, lent was over and she got eat popcorn while she read in bed again! ^_^ She did that every night.
I went to bed, slept well.
April 24, 2003
I woke up, it was about 11, maybe 10. Nana and Papa were already awake, there was coffee made and she was getting ready for the bead show in Houston. We were all really exited. She was a little upset with me though, I didn't turn off the kiln from the night before.
"O my goodness, Nana, I am so sorry, I could have swore that I turned it off! I rememeber doing it."
"Its okay Eric, I was just hopeing to leave a little earlyer, Its fine ^_^ "
Nana was giveing her directions and going over things as we packed up.
"Eric, you and Papa are going to working on the buck pen later. I'm hopeing that it will BE DONE WHEN I GET BACK ;-) (She yelled the last part so Papa could hear, she was kidding with him) And do all your chorse, feed the animals, water, everything. And be good for Papa!"
"Of coarse =) I don't know what we are gonna do around here without you Nana, your the ringleader in this show :-P "
"*Laugh* O' Eric, I'm only going to be gone for a few days"
After everything was packed up, we prayed. This was something different, but thats what she wanted to do. We did, she prayed out loud while we stood in a little circle holding hands, she asked that she would have a great show, that her back would be okay, that she would make it home safely, and that everything was in the lord's hands.
She left. I opened the gate so that she could drive out, I shut the gate and watched her drive away.
We all went inside, Papa says, "Well, do you kids have things to do? I hope so, because I am going to go play golf!"
We all laughed. Tabby, Papa, and I all went our seperate ways. He to play golf and me and Tabby went to play with our friends.
I went to Robbies house, then I got bored and left. On the way home I saw Robert and his girlfriend driveing past. They stopped and said hi, I took a hit off of the joint that they were smokeing and went on my merry way.
I stoped at...I don't remember their name now's....house. They were packing up to move. Obviously we weren't very close, but I used to fool around with one of the boys that lived there. lol, fun in the country huh? Ack, I say boy, but thats what we both were. Don't picture this old man, doing stuff with a little boy eww, We were about the same age. I think he may have been a year younger.
I went back home. I was feeling weird, kind of dizzy, a little floaty, in short...stoned.
I watched spongebob with Tabby, she had gotten home 3 or 4 minuets before me. I wasn't really paying attention.
The Phone rang.
Me:"Hello?"
Some lady:"Yes, I need to speak to Steven Thompson please."
"Im sorry ma'am, He isn't here right now, I think that he is out playing golf, can I take a message?''
"No. Do you know when he will be back?"
"Nope, I don't know how long it takes to play golf, Can I ask who this is?"
"My name is "?'' From (herman mem.?) Hospital. It is very important that I speak to him, as soon as possibal."
"O. Your from the hospital, is everything okay?"
"Im trying to get a hold of him in reguards to Gerry Thompson, his wife. She has been in an automobile accadent."
"What!?! Umm, okay, well this is his Grandson. Gerry Thompson is my grandmother! Umm, is she okay? Her back! She just had back surgery, is her back okay? Umm, I don't know if she is allergic to anything, one time she drank beer and broke out into a rash, YEAST! She is allergic to yeast! And umm, she takes prozac. That only reacts with like, um, Heart medication right? Yeah, don't give her any heart medication! Is she okay? What happened?!?!?!?!?"
"Im sorry sir, I can only release that information to Steven Thompson. I really need to speak with him."
"I TOLD YOU,HE IS NOT HERE! Ma'am, this is HER GRANDSON! Im a member of the family. Just tell me if she is okay or not!"
"Im sorry sir, I can ONLY speak to Steven Thompson about it."
"Damnit! I said that he isn't here, I can tell him as soon as he gets back! O WAIT! Cell phone. I don't know the number. O no, Nana had the cell phone. Shit. He is at the ORCC, Thats the, Oak Ridge Country CLub, thats where he is playing Golf at! Call him there! But tell me, is she okay?"
"Sir, I can't"
"Damnit! I need to know! Please lady, tell me!!!!!!"
"Im sorry sir, I can't, I told you, I can only tell..."
"WHY!?!?!?!? That dosn't make any sence this is her grandson Damnit TELL ME IF SHE IS OKAY OR NOT!?!?!??!?"
"Im sorry sir, I have to go"
*Click*
I ran into the bathroom, I didn't want Tabby to see me like this. She was there, but she was completely absorbed into sponge bob.
I prayed, "God, please let Nana's back be okay. Please make sure that nothing has happened!" Over and over again.
I went out to the liveing room,"Tabby, Nana was in a car accadent, I don't know if she is okay, the stupid Bitch on the phone wouldn't tell me. Just say lots of prayers okay?"
"Okay"
She didn't seem upset at all. It made me furious. I started screaming at her. I don't know why I did. I wanted her to be upset. I figured that It would make it better if we got really worried and prayed non-stop.
I heard the dogs barking, I looked out in the window.
I started to freak out. First Nana gets into an accadent, now somebody sees me take a hit off a joint and calls the cops. I walked ouside and played what I thought was dumb.
"Are you here looking for my grandpa?"
"Yes I am ( o.o? ) Is he here now?"
"No, hes at the ORCC, playing golf."
"O okay, well Iv got someone headed that way too. So, we'll find him."
"Is this about my grandma?"
"Yes"
"Do you know if she is okay?"
"Son, I can't say. I really don't know."
He left.
I walked back towards the house.
Halfway there another car pulled up.
Marie, a friend of Nana's was driveing, she was with April, Sherie, Beth, and Tiffany. I went and opened the gate as Marie got out of her truck. She came in, the girls stayed in the car, just looking at me.
"Did you hear about Nana?"
"Yes sweety I did."
"How much do you know about it, I talked to the hospital but they wouldn't tell me"
"Everything."
"So, is she okay? Is she gonna be alright?"
At this point she grabed me and pulled me close to her.
"No sweety shes not, she died in the crash. No one knows how it happened, but she died."
I was stuned, I just stood there and let her hug me, She was crying.
"Eric, your Nana was a good woman, she is probably in heaven makeing beads right now."
Who the fuck did she think I was. What a load of bullshit. That was a stupid thing to say.
I let go of her and backed away. I was crying, but it was soft.
All the girls looked at me, "We're sorry Eric, Is there anything that we can do for you?"
"No, just leave me alone for now. I don't really want anything, but I can't handle all these people here"
I felt numb. I didn't believe it. No.
Marie said, "Eric, don't tell Tabby okay?"
Tabby walked outside. Marie told her.
I wasn't listening. I was off somewhere else. I have no idea where though, at this point the high was gone....
Tabby was bawling.
It made me mad, she was crying, she should have prayed more!
I was the one who was so worried and now she is here makeing me look heartless. I still don't know why I was so mad at her, logicaly, i shouldn't have been.
I asked them to leave us alone.
After offereing to stay several times, I let them know that it was't about me thinking they didn't want to be there, it was about the fact that I didn't want them to be there.
Tabby and I went inside.
We just sat, stareing at Patrick and SpongeBob, crying.
Papa burst into the door, I don't know how much later.
"Hey kids, I know that you all know about Nana. Don't you believe a word of it, someone around the neighborhood is going around saying that she is DEAD!"
I can still hear him saying the last part. His voice cracked when he said 'dead' It sounded aweful. I didn't like seeing him like that.
He said that we were to stay here, and that he was going to the hospital to see if she was okay. Lisa's husband Frank was takeing him. If he heard anything on the way to the hospital, he would turn around.
He left, Marie came back. She said that Lisa had called her, and that Papa had told Lisa to tell Marie to stay with us. I was outside with Marie.
Papa was comeing back, he only left like, three minuets ago. But he was comeing back.
"He forgot his phone" I said, I hoped.
He came into the gate. Tabby and I went to see what he needed. He grabed us both really hard, and said,
"Kids, Nana's gone to be with the lord"
We hugged, and we were all bawling now.
I felt aweful. Whenever that song, "Under the Bridge" Comes on, and he says, "I dont ever wanna feel, like I did that day. Take me to the place I love, take me all the way."
I see Papa at first, "...shes DEAD(Crack)" "Nana's gone to be...."
Then on the second verse, I see Nana, I hear her voice. I remember being with her, and liveing in the country with her, the place I loved.
Everything else was a blur. People came and went. Bringing food and all sorts of shit we didn't need or want. Gee thanks you trailer trash bitch, this samwhich meat sure is nice, but its not HER! Thats just how I felt.
That night, I layed in the hammock and Cried, I said over and over and over and over and over agian, for hours; "Please god let this be a terribal terribal terribal terribal nightmare..."Over and over.
People left. Papa got completely drunk. I went to bed.
I don't remember but a few pieces of the following days.
Me walking around with my friends, wanting to be away from the people at the house, and then saying that I wanted to be alone, Robbie called out, No you need to come with us. You want to kill yourself. I said fuck you, don't be a fucking dumbass. And left.
Papa drunkly saying, well, at least one good thing has come out of this Eric, you get to eat the olives!
Nana and I allways had to scramble to eat the olives. Finally, she bought two sams size olive jars, and carved a huge "N" Into the top of one with a steak knife.
People at the house, talking about other things, and laughing. It made me so so mad.
The memorial service.
Crystal, in a black and red suit. Dad later said some shit about her 'cause she was wearing it.
Mom, running to find Great grandpa and hugging him.
Great grandma M. (on nana's ex-husbands side, my dads grandma via his dad) Laughing and takeing pictures of everybody.
Dad and I, out on the pourch. He said that we had to come back to Maine. I didn't want to go. He said that Papa had no leagal right to us, he was not our biological grandfather. I hated my dad then.
Later, going to Nates house. Tim and his Dad Jeff were there. They were talking about when their wife/mom died. The song Clocks was playing. I think of that conversation ever time I hear it, and how I had allways wndered what it was like for them, knowing that their wife/mom had died, and now knowing. I felt like they were welcomeing me into a club. I didn't want to be apart of their club anymore. I wanted to stay on the outside, and just wonder.
I often think about Nana. How she created so many beuatiful things, how she cared for so many injured animals get back to health, how she would help little chicks out of their eggs if it was takeing to long, and they were haveing trouble, how she took care of Tabby and I when we were little, how she cooked, how she cleaned, how she tilled the earth, planted, harvested, all with those hands of hers.
Her hands did so many wonderful things. Those hands.
I plan to write a poem one day, called those hands.
I haven't been able to produce anything though when I sit down to do it. But that phrase will allways be in my mind...
Those Hands.
~Zook~
